You ain't gonna believe what they want us to do this weekend

Listen— I'ma say this once, and I need y'all to really hear me: they want us to JUMP IN THE INNER HARBOR this weekend! Like, for real, for real. I saw it on the Weekend Planner, nestled right between a kitten shower and a block party. First, let's talk about the kitten shower—that's cute, that's wholesome, that's what Baltimore needs. But then, *click*, they hit you with the Inner Harbor plunge. Now, I love this city, hon, I bleed purple and I'd fight anyone who talks bad about it, but my personal relationship with the Inner Harbor involves eating a pretzel from a street vendor, maybe waving at the ducks, and then keeping a healthy distance from the actual wooder. You know what I'm saying?

### Why We Talkin' 'Bout This Now?

Okay, so the core fact is it's part of the Weekend Planner of events. They're trying to get people out, get 'em active, probably celebrate something. And look, I get it. There's been a lot of work over the years to clean up the harbor. Folks like the Waterfront Partnership have been on a mission, trying to make it swimmable by 2020, then 2030. They even got Mr. Trash Wheel and Professor Trash Wheel out there chugging away, bless their little mechanical hearts. But when you talk about jumping in, my mind still goes back to, well, everything else that's been in that wooder.

* Historically, we’re talking about runoff from storms,

* Plus, a whole lot of old industrial waste from way back when,

* And let’s be real, a few things that probably shouldn’t have ended up there from Thames Street on a Friday night.

That's Baltimore, hon — we don't break, we just bend loud, but my common sense is screamin' right now. I'm all for community fun, block parties, kitten showers, all that good stuff that brings us together from Hampden to Patterson Park. But if we're gonna jump in, can we get, like, a full environmental breakdown with a certificate of purity from someone other than the person hosting the event? Because otherwise, I'm just gonna wave from the promenade and sip my wooder from a bottle, thanks.

Your girl Keisha and the Morning Wire crew dig into wild stuff like this every day — you gotta catch it live at mornings.live.